Monday, April 6, 2009

Uh, Sorry Mr. McCormack

The first race of the season is under the belt. I will be the first to admit, my initial foray into the 2009 season is under the belt but far, far, farrrr from pretty.

Before I entertain you with the three bonehead moves of the day, all commited by the author of this post, I must give a quick recap of the race. It was 38 miles on a 2+ mile course in Marblehead. The start was windy and cold. The finish was warm. Teddy King won. Teddy King is going to Europe to race in Pro Tour races. Tim Johnson placed second. Tim Johnson just raced the Tour of California. I felt like crap. RKelly rode a good race and finished 16th.

Bonehead Move #1

Sitting on the start line, I decided to forgo my vest and avoid having to shed clothing during the race. I grabbed my vest and, like many other race starts, chucked it over the field to the roadside. However, instead of plopping onto the dirt, the wind caught the vest mid-air, opened it as if there was an invisible person trying to put it on. Then, this invisible person, realizing the vest smelled of b.o. and dry sweat, threw the vest to the ground. Unfortunately, the ground was inhabited by Mark McCormack, and the vest became wrapped around his head. He resembled a bowling ball under the Christmas tree. There were some chuckles from the field and a sharp glance from the Shark. Oops.

Bonhead Move #2

As the official said you're off (she actually said this a number of times before the CCB guys realized she meant start the damn race), a CCB rider attacked. Obviously, with the field lined up at the start, no one would be staying away for 38 miles unless the break included Teddy and/or Tim Johnson. This did not matter. My brain turned off and I chased. Two pedal strokes into the race and I was off the front. This effort lasted about 1.5 laps during which my legs felt like they were staked to the ground and the stuff coming from my lungs looked very much like guacamole. Pretty no. So, as the peloton rolled up on me. Action started to unfold. Attacks were going off. RKelly chased a few. I chased a few. The field split. I was spent. The front splint rode faster. I gambled my split would ride over the gap. I will never bet on those odds again.

Bonehead Move #3

The wind and cold seemed to lessen with every passing lap. Eventually, it became almost warm, and a MetLife guy removed his vest. In the morning, I pinned my number to my jersey and wore my vest over the jersey for a warm-up. So, as I watched said Metlife guy devest, I thought to myself "shit Josh, you better get your vest off so the cameras can see your number!". Now, if you have read this whole post, you will remember under Bonehead Move #1, I had already removed my never went back on. So, I'm sitting up and removing what I think is my vest (yes, I know I am an idiot) and realize it's damn cold. Furthermore, I realize I unzipped both my vest and my jersey. SHIT. No, that is not my vest and jersey. My vest, also known as Mark McCormack's face mask, is on the side of the road. The clothing in my hand is just my jersey. It was 50 degrees out and I was riding around the race in arm warmers and a base layer (a blue, collared base layer mind you). I pass Julianne, probably the reason why I'm so jittery all day, and become terribly embarassed. Once again, I'm sitting up in the field acting like I meant to take the jersey off. Adjust my base layer, move my bib straps, put the jersey back on.

So, the 2009 season is underway. With any luck, my idiocy is over for the rest of the year. I don't know if my cat. 2 ego can take any more of my shenanigans.


Giles said...


Anonymous said...

good read, Josh! I'm not sure chasing from the gun is technically "bonehead." Better to chase when you should be sitting in than to sit in when you should chase. Demonstrates the right instincts. Good luck rest of the season!